Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Photo taking lessons.
after taking many many pictures/self shots ( ima narcissist!), i have come to realise that...
1)i hate flash.. cos it makes me look bad...
2) dim lights are good..
3) black and white is also good... (stupid steven looks so bored hmph)
4) sepia makes you look nicer too... but i still lok spastic in the pic. sian.
love,
ching
after taking many many pictures/self shots ( ima narcissist!), i have come to realise that...
1)i hate flash.. cos it makes me look bad...
2) dim lights are good..
3) black and white is also good... (stupid steven looks so bored hmph)
4) sepia makes you look nicer too... but i still lok spastic in the pic. sian.
love,
ching
ching gave some lovin' at
10:33 PM;
10:33 PM;
Monday, November 28, 2005
All peeps beware....
cos seeching has a digicam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
actually it belongs to my mum. haha.. but too bad.. it'll be in my possession most of the time :D
yeah anyway i was saying, peeps beware, cos YOU may just appear on my blog! :D
but i'll be nice for the first time and take pics of myself.. heh. you may find the poses rather familiar cos that is the way many Singaporean chinese girls pose!
well this is my mimmick of act cute girls who like to take pics from an angle such that their eyes will look bigger... "my eyes very big very cute hor!!" HEH.
And now, introducing the 1-2-5 pose... u will see this in many secondary skl ah lians/act cute girls' neoprints in friendster...
this is ONE.. in which you jab your index finger into your cheek.. i duno if the purpose is to emphasize one's cheek or to create a dimple effect.. but anyway, be careful not to jab too hard or you will end up looking like this instead:
ok here's the TWO pose..
"TWIST!!!" this pose brings you back to primary skl days.. so it might make you feel younger, and well, c u t e r. (ahem)
ah! this is the 'FIVE' pose.. i haven really mastered it yet so i look like a waitress trying to balance an invisible tray. owell. i duno whats its purpose yet, maybe it gives one the sense of "WOWEE-ness"... oh wtv.
hhehee i bet the girls guilty of these poses are cursing me now. too bad :P
-a huge smile after the hard work of imitating ppl.. now isnt a natural smile just better than any act-cute ones :P *grins*-
love,
ching
cos seeching has a digicam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
actually it belongs to my mum. haha.. but too bad.. it'll be in my possession most of the time :D
yeah anyway i was saying, peeps beware, cos YOU may just appear on my blog! :D
but i'll be nice for the first time and take pics of myself.. heh. you may find the poses rather familiar cos that is the way many Singaporean chinese girls pose!
well this is my mimmick of act cute girls who like to take pics from an angle such that their eyes will look bigger... "my eyes very big very cute hor!!" HEH.And now, introducing the 1-2-5 pose... u will see this in many secondary skl ah lians/act cute girls' neoprints in friendster...
this is ONE.. in which you jab your index finger into your cheek.. i duno if the purpose is to emphasize one's cheek or to create a dimple effect.. but anyway, be careful not to jab too hard or you will end up looking like this instead:
ok here's the TWO pose..
"TWIST!!!" this pose brings you back to primary skl days.. so it might make you feel younger, and well, c u t e r. (ahem)
ah! this is the 'FIVE' pose.. i haven really mastered it yet so i look like a waitress trying to balance an invisible tray. owell. i duno whats its purpose yet, maybe it gives one the sense of "WOWEE-ness"... oh wtv.hhehee i bet the girls guilty of these poses are cursing me now. too bad :P
-a huge smile after the hard work of imitating ppl.. now isnt a natural smile just better than any act-cute ones :P *grins*-love,
ching
ching gave some lovin' at
9:18 PM;
9:18 PM;
Monday, November 14, 2005
Field Trip to Malaysia!
Went to Malaysia with my family and relatives for the whole day yesterday... it was great fun :)
Dunno exactly where i went to, but it's around Johor Bahru. Morning wasnt very fun, having horrible nasi lemak at some dirty hawker. We den went to a biscuit shop which din have the doube chocolate cookies i hope it would have. and the almond biscuit is yucky as compared to what my mum bought form sheng siong the other day. we went to giant after breakfast, and i bought 2 maybellin lipsticks for SG$14! i thought i saved a lot of money, until my mum told me the same offer is available at Watsons wth. :/
We had seafood for lunch! Crab, fish, lobsters................ unfortunately, i looked forward to the butter lobsters but this restaurant's butter lobsters kinda sucked. there wasnt any buttery taste. I miss the lobsters i had in another restaurant!! sobs. ok nvm, get to eat lobsters very good already. After lunch we went to a fruit farm, temple, and again some kinda Taoist/Buddhist worshipping place.. the Bodhi Tree i think. My hair reeked of the smell of incense later. but it's ok la, i still went down to see. I also bought PoP pOp for my cousins to paly with.. and for steven and his bro. u noe Pop pop? the little ball of crackers than most kids play with during Chinese New Year... u throw it on the ground and it goes POP! ok nvm im kinda bad at describing.
We also went to an ostrich farm, where they bred, eh, ostriches la. chickens too. and a monkey. that gripped on to me so frantically it left a small red bruise on my arm. :/ well i din know it was on a tree, and i stood under the tree where the ostriches were to take a pic. Suddenly this crazy small thing leaped on to me and was like biting and trying to climb on me. The first thing that struck me was that my little cousin LiHui had gone mad, until i realise it was brown and furry. lol.. den i shrieked. :x thank goodness it was actually chained (just that the chain was long enough such that it had some freedom) and i could run away from it... hahaha...
I hate ostriches. ok, not hate, but i think they're disgusting. It's all birds actually. except for penguins. the way they flap their wings especially... i can just imagine all the bacteria that has been trapped under theitr dirty "armpits" flying into my mouth, into my nostrils, onto my hair................... eeeeeks. their beaks are also irksome cos they are so sharp. i cringe at the thought of being "poked" by them... ow! they're simply not cute la. :/
my mum forced me to stand beside this huge male ostrich to take a pic.. i was like NOooOOoooo... how to say yes when i witness it peck at my grandma's ears and spitting out her earring????? i'd cry if it tug at my hair and yank them out man.. :/ but well like i said, i was FORCED to, so u can see that i had no choice.
oooh anyway i learnt how to differentiate between the male and female ostriches. first of all, male ostriches have a darker body colour as compared to its female counterparts. but the easiest way to tell if one is a male or female ostrich is by looking at its ass! the female ostrich's ass is mostly bald... its damn ugly. well all thanks to the horny male ostrich lor. i dun think the tourguide was joking about that part. lol.
the ostrich souvenir shop was rather gross too. i made an exit after seeing packets of ostrich ligaments, tendron or wtv, and its meat. i was like NnoooOOooo (again. i told you i hate birds.) when the uncle offered me a sample of OSTRICH ESSENCE. hell, i just saw the LIVE ones, and now you expect me to drink its essence? puipuipui~
along the trip, i also witnessed many caged up monkeys... so poor thing. and it seems that everyone in that village has an ostrich for a pet or something. on the bus, i also saw this poor wild boar being hunted.. so cute lor why they hunt it.. : ( i wanna go halal.....
we had dinner at some chinese restaurant.. luckily they dun serve ostrich meat. was so hungry i gobbled down 2 bowls of rice... yumyum..
the last activity was a boat ride out to look at fireflies! the downsides were that
1) it was nighttime so the big lake looked really creepy as it was surrounded by forests
2) the lake was deep
3) i once watched lake placcid and the water was so murky it resembled that of lake placcid's
4) i dunno how to swim
5) im scared that a crocodile will pop out of the water and bite me
6) i was sitting at the corner
7) i hate insects.
ok so im not a geography student. :/ but i agree that the fireflies were beautiful! or rather, the light at their backsides. there were so many of them on the trees, they were like twinkling lights on a xmas tree... luckily they din fly into my face.
ahhh gtg for dinner... field trips are fun :))) bye!
love,
ching
Went to Malaysia with my family and relatives for the whole day yesterday... it was great fun :)
Dunno exactly where i went to, but it's around Johor Bahru. Morning wasnt very fun, having horrible nasi lemak at some dirty hawker. We den went to a biscuit shop which din have the doube chocolate cookies i hope it would have. and the almond biscuit is yucky as compared to what my mum bought form sheng siong the other day. we went to giant after breakfast, and i bought 2 maybellin lipsticks for SG$14! i thought i saved a lot of money, until my mum told me the same offer is available at Watsons wth. :/
We had seafood for lunch! Crab, fish, lobsters................ unfortunately, i looked forward to the butter lobsters but this restaurant's butter lobsters kinda sucked. there wasnt any buttery taste. I miss the lobsters i had in another restaurant!! sobs. ok nvm, get to eat lobsters very good already. After lunch we went to a fruit farm, temple, and again some kinda Taoist/Buddhist worshipping place.. the Bodhi Tree i think. My hair reeked of the smell of incense later. but it's ok la, i still went down to see. I also bought PoP pOp for my cousins to paly with.. and for steven and his bro. u noe Pop pop? the little ball of crackers than most kids play with during Chinese New Year... u throw it on the ground and it goes POP! ok nvm im kinda bad at describing.
We also went to an ostrich farm, where they bred, eh, ostriches la. chickens too. and a monkey. that gripped on to me so frantically it left a small red bruise on my arm. :/ well i din know it was on a tree, and i stood under the tree where the ostriches were to take a pic. Suddenly this crazy small thing leaped on to me and was like biting and trying to climb on me. The first thing that struck me was that my little cousin LiHui had gone mad, until i realise it was brown and furry. lol.. den i shrieked. :x thank goodness it was actually chained (just that the chain was long enough such that it had some freedom) and i could run away from it... hahaha...
I hate ostriches. ok, not hate, but i think they're disgusting. It's all birds actually. except for penguins. the way they flap their wings especially... i can just imagine all the bacteria that has been trapped under theitr dirty "armpits" flying into my mouth, into my nostrils, onto my hair................... eeeeeks. their beaks are also irksome cos they are so sharp. i cringe at the thought of being "poked" by them... ow! they're simply not cute la. :/
my mum forced me to stand beside this huge male ostrich to take a pic.. i was like NOooOOoooo... how to say yes when i witness it peck at my grandma's ears and spitting out her earring????? i'd cry if it tug at my hair and yank them out man.. :/ but well like i said, i was FORCED to, so u can see that i had no choice.
oooh anyway i learnt how to differentiate between the male and female ostriches. first of all, male ostriches have a darker body colour as compared to its female counterparts. but the easiest way to tell if one is a male or female ostrich is by looking at its ass! the female ostrich's ass is mostly bald... its damn ugly. well all thanks to the horny male ostrich lor. i dun think the tourguide was joking about that part. lol.
the ostrich souvenir shop was rather gross too. i made an exit after seeing packets of ostrich ligaments, tendron or wtv, and its meat. i was like NnoooOOooo (again. i told you i hate birds.) when the uncle offered me a sample of OSTRICH ESSENCE. hell, i just saw the LIVE ones, and now you expect me to drink its essence? puipuipui~
along the trip, i also witnessed many caged up monkeys... so poor thing. and it seems that everyone in that village has an ostrich for a pet or something. on the bus, i also saw this poor wild boar being hunted.. so cute lor why they hunt it.. : ( i wanna go halal.....
we had dinner at some chinese restaurant.. luckily they dun serve ostrich meat. was so hungry i gobbled down 2 bowls of rice... yumyum..
the last activity was a boat ride out to look at fireflies! the downsides were that
1) it was nighttime so the big lake looked really creepy as it was surrounded by forests
2) the lake was deep
3) i once watched lake placcid and the water was so murky it resembled that of lake placcid's
4) i dunno how to swim
5) im scared that a crocodile will pop out of the water and bite me
6) i was sitting at the corner
7) i hate insects.
ok so im not a geography student. :/ but i agree that the fireflies were beautiful! or rather, the light at their backsides. there were so many of them on the trees, they were like twinkling lights on a xmas tree... luckily they din fly into my face.
ahhh gtg for dinner... field trips are fun :))) bye!
love,
ching
ching gave some lovin' at
7:32 PM;
7:32 PM;
Saturday, November 12, 2005
shopping spree : )
im so happy today! steven gave me a shopping spree of $100 for my bday :> i bought 3 tops for myself, one for my sister, one for my cousin's maid (for hari raya! and cos she only 19 yrs old have to work as maid..:/), a shirt for my dad... i haven bought sth for my mummy yet.. and $20 to charity.. and i STILL GOT money left aint i good??*beams*
ooh of cos i never leave out my darling... i bought him a shirt too and decorated this small jar for him.. and filled it up with gummy bears.. hehehe :D
i feel like santa.. lol.. but it gives me a nice warm fuzzy feeling! :)))))
i went out with steven today afternoon too:) we went to eat at cafe cartel... we share a plate of meat lovers platter or sth... hehehe he so nice he fed me so i dun have to lift a finger! i just slouched in the cushion seats and have him feed me.. wahh like crippled :x and we took a lot of pictures! :D cos he vv handsome today (hehehehehe)
after that we went to watch Just Like Heaven.. it's a good show! i'd rate it 7 out of 10.. i cried too lol.. but generally its funny and of cos sweet! :) maybe thats why i feel so "love-ly" today... im sooOOooo happy today!
*kisses everyone*
love,
ching
im so happy today! steven gave me a shopping spree of $100 for my bday :> i bought 3 tops for myself, one for my sister, one for my cousin's maid (for hari raya! and cos she only 19 yrs old have to work as maid..:/), a shirt for my dad... i haven bought sth for my mummy yet.. and $20 to charity.. and i STILL GOT money left aint i good??*beams*
ooh of cos i never leave out my darling... i bought him a shirt too and decorated this small jar for him.. and filled it up with gummy bears.. hehehe :D
i feel like santa.. lol.. but it gives me a nice warm fuzzy feeling! :)))))
i went out with steven today afternoon too:) we went to eat at cafe cartel... we share a plate of meat lovers platter or sth... hehehe he so nice he fed me so i dun have to lift a finger! i just slouched in the cushion seats and have him feed me.. wahh like crippled :x and we took a lot of pictures! :D cos he vv handsome today (hehehehehe)
after that we went to watch Just Like Heaven.. it's a good show! i'd rate it 7 out of 10.. i cried too lol.. but generally its funny and of cos sweet! :) maybe thats why i feel so "love-ly" today... im sooOOooo happy today!
*kisses everyone*
love,
ching
ching gave some lovin' at
10:55 PM;
10:55 PM;
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
End of PW-OP! & mini a54 outing :)
muahahaha... no more OP! cher's and my group were unfortunately with Imran's group, and they spoke well... but thats ok! our presentation was interesting lol... my frens said i was steady, but looked like an air stewardess giving demonstration on how to use life jackets. haha o well. the qna was really bad though! couldnt really answer the questions... nvm! it's over! lalala!
after that a54 had a mini class outing @ thaiexpress :) it was pretty good fun as we all ate and chatted.. talked about men, not the way men talk about women though. in a sense we were criticising them for their lewd behavior towards females lol... and how unfair it is that we always go through the pain. not to be elaborated here lol..
jay chou's 'ye qu', 'fa ru xue' and 'hei se mao yi' are so beautiful......................... even my dad couldnt believe fa ru xue is by jay chou, whom he labels as monkey face or ah beng haha! it's just a pity he is with that stupid jolin tsai. i cant stand her. stupid bitch.
my history s paper has been approved, my parents are happy, but all of a sudden im wondering if im up to it. im not exactly very smart. always gotta put in a lot of hard work to get results. i dunno if i can work even harder... becoming lazy. sigh.
tried to read Toni Morrison's Beloved (in which one of my classmates said the men had sex with cows wth!), i totally cant geddit. haven even read a paragraph and i ended up sleeping. yawn. i only read one book this year. haha! nono wait i also read chaucer's The Merchant's Tale.. 2 leh. lol. so pathetic.
love,
ching
muahahaha... no more OP! cher's and my group were unfortunately with Imran's group, and they spoke well... but thats ok! our presentation was interesting lol... my frens said i was steady, but looked like an air stewardess giving demonstration on how to use life jackets. haha o well. the qna was really bad though! couldnt really answer the questions... nvm! it's over! lalala!
after that a54 had a mini class outing @ thaiexpress :) it was pretty good fun as we all ate and chatted.. talked about men, not the way men talk about women though. in a sense we were criticising them for their lewd behavior towards females lol... and how unfair it is that we always go through the pain. not to be elaborated here lol..
jay chou's 'ye qu', 'fa ru xue' and 'hei se mao yi' are so beautiful......................... even my dad couldnt believe fa ru xue is by jay chou, whom he labels as monkey face or ah beng haha! it's just a pity he is with that stupid jolin tsai. i cant stand her. stupid bitch.
my history s paper has been approved, my parents are happy, but all of a sudden im wondering if im up to it. im not exactly very smart. always gotta put in a lot of hard work to get results. i dunno if i can work even harder... becoming lazy. sigh.
tried to read Toni Morrison's Beloved (in which one of my classmates said the men had sex with cows wth!), i totally cant geddit. haven even read a paragraph and i ended up sleeping. yawn. i only read one book this year. haha! nono wait i also read chaucer's The Merchant's Tale.. 2 leh. lol. so pathetic.
love,
ching
ching gave some lovin' at
9:28 PM;
9:28 PM;
Monday, November 07, 2005
Bus idiots.
you know what i cant stand the most when taking buses? it's not the occasional crowding or having to endure the stench of some smelly uncle... yeah those can be really bad but it pisses me off when i see young, able-bodied and healthy young people not giving up their seats to the elderly or like, a mother carrying a baby. it's even worse when these people are right beside them, yet they pretend they dun see them. it's either they stuff their ears with their mp3 headphones, as though that convinces me that they cant SEE somebody needs the seat more... if not, they close their eyes and sleep. or pretend to. others just look, and dun give a damn.
the WORST, are those that occupy the green seats meant for these people who need it more. sometimes u just inevitably wonder, dont these people know how to read? the sign says "Please give up this seat to people who need it more" or something along that line. simple english. cant they just get their damn asses off the seats?
the second "bus-peeve" i have is how some inconsiderate people can just take up a whole pole to themselves. it applies to mrt trains too. you know those double decker buses like 65 and 28 where there are empty spaces for people to stand? today, for the umpteenth time, this girl had to wrap her fat arm around the whole pole such that other people couldnt hold on to it. i held on to the 'available space' left on the pole using my fingers and took the chance to edge my hand through to grip on to the pole when the bus jerked. well, the fat arm didnt budge. she went on hogging the whole damn pole like it was her boyfriend's arm la. the nerve of some people.
love,
ching
you know what i cant stand the most when taking buses? it's not the occasional crowding or having to endure the stench of some smelly uncle... yeah those can be really bad but it pisses me off when i see young, able-bodied and healthy young people not giving up their seats to the elderly or like, a mother carrying a baby. it's even worse when these people are right beside them, yet they pretend they dun see them. it's either they stuff their ears with their mp3 headphones, as though that convinces me that they cant SEE somebody needs the seat more... if not, they close their eyes and sleep. or pretend to. others just look, and dun give a damn.
the WORST, are those that occupy the green seats meant for these people who need it more. sometimes u just inevitably wonder, dont these people know how to read? the sign says "Please give up this seat to people who need it more" or something along that line. simple english. cant they just get their damn asses off the seats?
the second "bus-peeve" i have is how some inconsiderate people can just take up a whole pole to themselves. it applies to mrt trains too. you know those double decker buses like 65 and 28 where there are empty spaces for people to stand? today, for the umpteenth time, this girl had to wrap her fat arm around the whole pole such that other people couldnt hold on to it. i held on to the 'available space' left on the pole using my fingers and took the chance to edge my hand through to grip on to the pole when the bus jerked. well, the fat arm didnt budge. she went on hogging the whole damn pole like it was her boyfriend's arm la. the nerve of some people.
love,
ching
ching gave some lovin' at
11:03 PM;
11:03 PM;
Friday, November 04, 2005
5 days to OP...
surprisingly, im not that scared anymore. at first i was like "shit this is gonna be bad im gonna screw up", but i realised that it's not that scary cos i do know what my project is about. the only thing is that i may speak too quickly cos i always thought that people who read slowly are boring:x
went to Safra @ Tampines to eat today.. at Sakura restaurant. the buffet is like WOAH.. so much food... the ambience and quality of food may not be as good as the at the Oriental Hotel, but it's worth the money.. only $26.. i had fresh sashimi, beef steak, potato wedges, 2 charwan mushi (however u spell it la), sushi, black forest cake, coffee cake, prawns, scallops... cant rmb already lol. there were oysters, but they were so big i got rather disgusted by them so i din eat. how lucky can they get.
after that i went to TM with my family and relatives.. my lil cousin li hui is so cute, kept asking me to go home with her lol.. saw royce and his gf haha.. surprisingly he waved hi. i was quite taken aback... but of cos i waved back. saw this ''fren'' of limin's, and gosh i feel like slapping her. so many earholes and got a nose stud too. limin told me she even had her tongue or lips pierced. is she gross or gross. not enough holes on your body come la i help you poke. :/
at night at 10 plus.. i went to find steven who was at my house downstairs studying int he studying room... the moment i saw him i kissed him. after all the hurt we've put each other through, we really needed it. a show of love, to let him know he's still the only one in my heart. im so thankful he did not reject me, and instead smiled at me.. we sat by the swimming pool... as i rested on his chest, i realised this would be one comfort i can never get from anyone else. his smell was familiar, and i felt warm and protected in his arms... i wished i could have just sat there with him for the whole night, watching the sky by the pool... sigh.
love,
ching
surprisingly, im not that scared anymore. at first i was like "shit this is gonna be bad im gonna screw up", but i realised that it's not that scary cos i do know what my project is about. the only thing is that i may speak too quickly cos i always thought that people who read slowly are boring:x
went to Safra @ Tampines to eat today.. at Sakura restaurant. the buffet is like WOAH.. so much food... the ambience and quality of food may not be as good as the at the Oriental Hotel, but it's worth the money.. only $26.. i had fresh sashimi, beef steak, potato wedges, 2 charwan mushi (however u spell it la), sushi, black forest cake, coffee cake, prawns, scallops... cant rmb already lol. there were oysters, but they were so big i got rather disgusted by them so i din eat. how lucky can they get.
after that i went to TM with my family and relatives.. my lil cousin li hui is so cute, kept asking me to go home with her lol.. saw royce and his gf haha.. surprisingly he waved hi. i was quite taken aback... but of cos i waved back. saw this ''fren'' of limin's, and gosh i feel like slapping her. so many earholes and got a nose stud too. limin told me she even had her tongue or lips pierced. is she gross or gross. not enough holes on your body come la i help you poke. :/
at night at 10 plus.. i went to find steven who was at my house downstairs studying int he studying room... the moment i saw him i kissed him. after all the hurt we've put each other through, we really needed it. a show of love, to let him know he's still the only one in my heart. im so thankful he did not reject me, and instead smiled at me.. we sat by the swimming pool... as i rested on his chest, i realised this would be one comfort i can never get from anyone else. his smell was familiar, and i felt warm and protected in his arms... i wished i could have just sat there with him for the whole night, watching the sky by the pool... sigh.
love,
ching
ching gave some lovin' at
1:09 AM;
1:09 AM;
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
smile...and the whole world smiles with you...
instead of brooding, lemme talk about other stuff. like my lucky ahs juniors. damnit, after 4 years of fund raising, whoo hoo we finally have enough money to revamp ahs! we even have enough money to build an activity room or wadever that has neoprint machines, lan room, pool table... yay... but that will all only be completed in 2005... when i graduate.. how nice.
actually i bitched abt that before but now here's one thing that im petty about now: the fact that today's episode of my favourite chinese talkshow SHOOT! was held in ahs. DAMNIT. why are they all so damn frigging lucky...... when many (esp the sec 4s) are crappish people. just look at tingsheng. good for nothing. i will never forget the way he spat at phoon and us. wth, slap your bloody face ah. phoon saw the gang of them smoking outside parkway's macdonalds before too. so young only smoking their asses off.. good for nothings.
ok crap i shall just shut up now. venting my depression on others. sigh.
love,
ching.
instead of brooding, lemme talk about other stuff. like my lucky ahs juniors. damnit, after 4 years of fund raising, whoo hoo we finally have enough money to revamp ahs! we even have enough money to build an activity room or wadever that has neoprint machines, lan room, pool table... yay... but that will all only be completed in 2005... when i graduate.. how nice.
actually i bitched abt that before but now here's one thing that im petty about now: the fact that today's episode of my favourite chinese talkshow SHOOT! was held in ahs. DAMNIT. why are they all so damn frigging lucky...... when many (esp the sec 4s) are crappish people. just look at tingsheng. good for nothing. i will never forget the way he spat at phoon and us. wth, slap your bloody face ah. phoon saw the gang of them smoking outside parkway's macdonalds before too. so young only smoking their asses off.. good for nothings.
ok crap i shall just shut up now. venting my depression on others. sigh.
love,
ching.
ching gave some lovin' at
11:30 PM;
11:30 PM;
...Recollections...
was looking through my old online diary entries... went back to the days before steven became my bf, when i was still with yunhong.. i'm going through a rough patch with steven, a very rough patch. it's been 2 and a half years, many people go "wow so long!" when you tell them, but what do they know about the things that you've gone through to reach that? sometimes i get so worn down, i keep crying, i ask myself why. but when problems come up... i smile again and feel so blessed.
what am i? a 17 year old hoping to stay with her true love... in today's society i guess that's just dumb. everyone has a different perspective of love. is there even true love now? all i want is a guy who is honest and loyal to me... one i will protect and take care of..
but i asked for more. yunhong was an honest and loyal guy, but i chose to go with steven. i hurt him a lot when i left him; it's been so long, maybe he has forgotten it and cant even be bothered, but i still feel bad. and sometimes i wonder, will it come back to me? what goes around comes around.
i had more. but the sacrifice was more as well. in the past 2 and a half years, i went through a lot and changed... my stand on relationship became firm, i gave up days of flirting, i told myself all i wanna do is to be with the guy i love. lol. 17, and talking about love. heez. now im stumped. am i giving too much to be with the guy i love? but what is love without tolerance and sacrifice? i duno la. my perception of love has become warped in some ways, disillusioned in others. sometimes it's so cool to be in love, everything bad becomes good... sometimes it just hurts you wonder why you're allowing yourself to be hurt. can love ever be achieved without committment?
here's some parts of my old diary..
(my conversation with yunhong.. the night we went separate ways.)
2003-04-11
//yh:''hmm u wan to know how i feel? hmm ure the first girl im e most serious eith lor.. ya.. and you asked me where you think we shld go rite. i wan to go forward but its just that how.. how shld i begin with.. i dunno. and at that time also duno wad you tink wad. bleah.. since now i know ur opinion and mine differs.. it's of no use anymore''
//yh: Ya i'll regret too. Cos i realli dun think i'll find a better girl den u. im so serious until i told my mum abt it.. ahha. though dun think she understand my hints. ya.. we dun haf fun together cos we dun go out often. but last time even when i went out wif sheena.. i wasnt as happy as going out with her as compared with you.. even jsut walking u home which i rarely do so nowadays.''
//yh: i jsut wanted to say those things that i din dare to say in the past wad. i might not have a chance anymore so i rather say it now de. =blah=''
after that, i left to develop my rship with steven. sigh yes call me a bitch. are there things i wanna tell steven that i should say before i lose my chance to? does he even love me still... lol. on 2003-04-10 at 5:32 p.m, i asked..."would you rather be with someone who wants you.. or would you rather be with someone who needs you..?"
i duno if steven wants or needs me.
this is so horrible, i feel so depressed, yup i just wanna cry.. but i cant. everyone's at home, i cant let my parents know things aint going well between me and steven. i feel so weak, i just wish i can disappear from the face of this world. just dissolve into the thin air. i cant leave, cant bring myself to leave. sometimes i know it might be better for us, he knows it too, it's just that at the end of the day we cant bear to. but increasingly, the courage to leave becomes bolder as things just seem to get worse and worse.
if i cant disappear, can the whole world disappear so i can be left alone to cry?
love,
ching
was looking through my old online diary entries... went back to the days before steven became my bf, when i was still with yunhong.. i'm going through a rough patch with steven, a very rough patch. it's been 2 and a half years, many people go "wow so long!" when you tell them, but what do they know about the things that you've gone through to reach that? sometimes i get so worn down, i keep crying, i ask myself why. but when problems come up... i smile again and feel so blessed.
what am i? a 17 year old hoping to stay with her true love... in today's society i guess that's just dumb. everyone has a different perspective of love. is there even true love now? all i want is a guy who is honest and loyal to me... one i will protect and take care of..
but i asked for more. yunhong was an honest and loyal guy, but i chose to go with steven. i hurt him a lot when i left him; it's been so long, maybe he has forgotten it and cant even be bothered, but i still feel bad. and sometimes i wonder, will it come back to me? what goes around comes around.
i had more. but the sacrifice was more as well. in the past 2 and a half years, i went through a lot and changed... my stand on relationship became firm, i gave up days of flirting, i told myself all i wanna do is to be with the guy i love. lol. 17, and talking about love. heez. now im stumped. am i giving too much to be with the guy i love? but what is love without tolerance and sacrifice? i duno la. my perception of love has become warped in some ways, disillusioned in others. sometimes it's so cool to be in love, everything bad becomes good... sometimes it just hurts you wonder why you're allowing yourself to be hurt. can love ever be achieved without committment?
here's some parts of my old diary..
(my conversation with yunhong.. the night we went separate ways.)
2003-04-11
//yh:''hmm u wan to know how i feel? hmm ure the first girl im e most serious eith lor.. ya.. and you asked me where you think we shld go rite. i wan to go forward but its just that how.. how shld i begin with.. i dunno. and at that time also duno wad you tink wad. bleah.. since now i know ur opinion and mine differs.. it's of no use anymore''
//yh: Ya i'll regret too. Cos i realli dun think i'll find a better girl den u. im so serious until i told my mum abt it.. ahha. though dun think she understand my hints. ya.. we dun haf fun together cos we dun go out often. but last time even when i went out wif sheena.. i wasnt as happy as going out with her as compared with you.. even jsut walking u home which i rarely do so nowadays.''
//yh: i jsut wanted to say those things that i din dare to say in the past wad. i might not have a chance anymore so i rather say it now de. =blah=''
after that, i left to develop my rship with steven. sigh yes call me a bitch. are there things i wanna tell steven that i should say before i lose my chance to? does he even love me still... lol. on 2003-04-10 at 5:32 p.m, i asked..."would you rather be with someone who wants you.. or would you rather be with someone who needs you..?"
i duno if steven wants or needs me.
this is so horrible, i feel so depressed, yup i just wanna cry.. but i cant. everyone's at home, i cant let my parents know things aint going well between me and steven. i feel so weak, i just wish i can disappear from the face of this world. just dissolve into the thin air. i cant leave, cant bring myself to leave. sometimes i know it might be better for us, he knows it too, it's just that at the end of the day we cant bear to. but increasingly, the courage to leave becomes bolder as things just seem to get worse and worse.
if i cant disappear, can the whole world disappear so i can be left alone to cry?
love,
ching
ching gave some lovin' at
10:54 PM;
10:54 PM;